Possessiveness in simple words can be defined as demanding someone’s total attention and love.
It sounds harmless, doesn’t it? And it is sometimes. It is also a sign of love. Someone wants your love and attention the most, it means you matter the most to them.
But it is also important to understand the difference between unhealthy and healthy possessiveness as both tend to exist.
How do you identify the difference between the two?
Below are the signs of an unhealthy possessive partner:
- They tend to take control of everything: They like to be in control of things around and they want you to mostly follow and lead less. They have a fear that if they let you think much or do much, you might learn to live without them. In order to do away with that feeling they generally like to be in charge so they know you need them always.
- Manipulation: this is the most common way of showcasing possessiveness. Manipulation cuts off your ability to think and do things for yourself. They get their way and their things done from you by manipulating you. They may emotionally blackmail you or even instill the fear of their fury in you to get their way. This again is done for the same reason that they do not want you to unhinge from them and that they constantly know your need for them.
- Possessiveness is the brother of jealousy: So, if your partner is jealous beyond normal then there are chances of your partner being extremely possessive about you. They need you around them always and talk to them and do everything only with them.
- Possessiveness ignites fury and causes them to be rude to you: when something is not appreciated then naturally, it angers an individual and they no longer bother about how you feel or if they even hurt you with words or actions. So if they are mostly angry with you and make rude connotations very often or are negatively sarcastic with you then that means they are possessive about you in an unhealthy manner.
So as mentioned before, possessiveness is also a sign of love and that is what highlights the healthy form of possessiveness.
When they showcase the following you can understand how healthy possessiveness works.
- Possessive about your needs: it is important that your partner cares about your needs and they make it their priority to fulfill them. We all remember enjoying our mother’s infinite care and we remember getting things even before asking for them. This type of response comes only when you are on top of everything in their life. So if your partner is particular about your needs this way then you may have just hit the jackpot in life. They obviously have kept you even above their own needs in this case.
- They want you around: you get your space and you also have time to spend away from your partner but they always express lovingly how they need you around or how much they missed or how their life seems incomplete without you then they are positively possessive about you. They need you around them but they don’t force it on you. It is their way of telling you how much you mean to them in their life. That they cannot imagine their life without you.
- They check up on you often: checking up on, not to see if you are up to something or in a doubtful way but always wanting to know if you are fine. Your safety and comfort matters to them. So getting calls from your partner about whether you had food or you slept well or you need assistance with something are all signs of a healthy possessive attitude. They want you to take care of you and that is just a wonderful thing. Be sure to never complain about such attention that you get.
- Your wellbeing is their well being: they are utterly dependent on you to be their source of joy. When they see you happy, they are happy. Getting remarks like; “it makes me happy when I see you eat your favorite dish it’s as if my hunger was met” or any such unselfish statements all means that your happiness is their happiness. So don’t get irritated over getting so much attention from your partner, this kind of love and care rarely fades so enjoy being the number one in their life.
- They don’t let anyone else say anything bad about you: last but not the least, they cannot tolerate anybody badmouthing about you and that is the most precious attitude you can expect from your partner. Even if it is their family o r your friends or anyone not even you saying anything bad about you. They treasure you and they value you and they love you inaspite of all your faults and weakness and they love you just the way you are.