EDITOR'S CHOICE

Why is it that when we talk about Women's Day, thoughts suddenly turn to feminism? Why do people think of feminists as hard, loud and aggressive women? Unfortunately, the clichéd images we have are of bra-burning, male-baiting women, and we shrink away from that description, preferring not to be called feminists. And yet, if you peel away all those negative perceptions, you'll find that all women are feminist at heart. It's how we choose to project it that gives it a good or bad name.

To me, feminism means strong yet gentle women, nurturing yet yielding, who when visited by crises prefer to stay and fight with the graces they have, rather than flounce off the scene. I am proud to know several such women and would have liked to write about them all, but you can't fit them in a page. I won't name them, but if they read this column, they will know I am talking about them.

She was married to a man, who, looking at the way feminism was being greeted by the world at large, decided to form a group espousing the cause of battered males at the hands of women. The guy soon became a celebrity of sorts. You began to see his interviews in the papers, he became the prince of martyred men. And yet, he was far from the suffering hero. If anything, his behaviour at home and in society became so intolerable that people began avoiding him. His wife, a dignified working woman was forced to move out of the house. And so did his parents and children. The wife had a choice. She could go to the press and give her version of the situation. The media would have loved the circus. Or she could wipe her slate clean and start a life afresh. She didn't exercise either options. Instead, she chose to create a home with her children and in-laws, support them single-handedly and provide them the moral and material support they needed, despite much hardship to herself. She continues to work as she always did and prefers not to dwell on the past.

Another lady was married to the most wonderful man who died when she was just 35. They had five children. Did she put them up for adoption? No. Did she abandon them to their fate? No. Never having worked a day in her life, she decided now was the time to look for a job. Housekeeping was all she knew, so she decided she would work as a nanny and housekeeper in a respectable household. Alas, within a few years the couple she worked for died in an accident, leaving behind two orphans. She had two obvious choices before her. Walk out and look for another job or put the orphans up for adoption. She exercised neither. In fact, large-hearted that she was, she took the two children under her magnanimous wings. The two older children now working, chipped in to provide for the basics and there they were, a happy bi-communal family living together, through the thick and thin of life.

I hope when the time comes I will be like them.