Mother-In-law Problems India
I recently happened to meet a friend of mine who’s been married for 20 years now but her marriage was now getting on her nerves. The reason? Since the time she’s been married, she and her husband stayed in their own house, away from her in-laws but recently for the past three months, her (let’s call her Riya) mother-in-law had been staying with the couple. Riya mentioned how things have completely changed for her in the past three months.
When we, ladies have the first encounter with such a situation, we try to settle things considering that time will heal all. What we fail to realize is that we too need to be active participants in that healing.
Honestly, the traditional people, at times, tend to get on the nerves because of their traditional ways, but, you know what? Keep Calm because you can handle ‘difficult’ people (read mother-in-laws)
So, if your Future mother-in-law is driving you crazy, then my dear you are at the right place. Here are five tips to tone down all the drama:
- Remember that she feels a lil ‘replaced’
While you are beginning a new phase of your life as the ‘wife’ also as the ‘daughter-in law’, always remember that she too is beginning a new phase as the ‘mother-in-law’. She’s a little wary of the fact that she’s no longer the only most celebrated lady of her child’s life. This feeling of being replaced coupled with feelings of aging and anxiety emerge out in the form of ill feelings at times.
- When discussing your MIL grievances with your Dear Husband or Wife, stick to behaviors not-character assessments
Mother-in-laws have the ability to bring out the most annoying instincts among us women. Countless girlfriends describe their MILs with the sweeping character assessments one sees only in a Novella “She’s so manipulative!” “She tries to control everything!” “I think she wants us to break up!”. While your girlfriends may listen and even agree with these assessments, they are harder for your partner — her child — to hear. A new layer of frustration can build when you feel that your partner “refuses to see” who their mother really is. Do not introduce your issues like “As usual, your manipulative mother is trying to make my life tough”. Instead, tackle the behavior at hand: “I found out today that your mother went behind our back and asked the florist to change the colors of the flowers. I found that behavior unacceptable, since it not only her choice, but she did it secretly. How should we address this?” (these are all real problems, by the way!).
- Don’t pick fights, but stand up for yourself
You are a grown woman- after all you are grown enough to be married, right? It’s only normal to have your own way of doing things — be it little things like laundry or big things like celebrating a religious holiday. You are entitled to and should stick up for yourself and your way of doing things should you feel it diminished verbally or bullied behaviorally. It’s important to feel comfortable with how you want to raise your kids or if you want to go to church on Easter (in example) because then you will be able to verbalize your way of doing things and not “fold” under questioning.
5. When frustrated, rest in Gratitude
Even at the most vexing time, you’ll always know that you and your MIL share one thing in common — the love for the person you’ve married. It’s rarely likely that that’s the only thing you share, but in those moments it seems, rest in gratitude that this particular woman birthed the person you LOVE! Be cautious remembering that the person you love would be crushed if you and his/her mother wouldn’t get along.
Remember, your relationship with your mother-in-law would be defined by how you want things to go. Ofcourse, you want to make it lasting. The more you can do to make it blossom, the better it is!
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